I was doing fine with all of this until my last week of Strategies for Online Learning, when everyone had to post a digital portfolio. All of those people I'd grown to know over the last five weeks, all those feelings I had of being on an equal footing - poof! Out the window.
These people are artists. Real artists, with real talent, many with established careers. I am an infant compared to these folks. Dabbling in web design and taking a life drawing class a decade ago makes me a casual hobbyist, not a professional.
I felt, quite suddenly, insecure and embarrassed. What the heck was I doing?
Of course, I realized after a while that everybody starts somewhere. Each of these talented artists had had a first design. Each of them had felt frazzled and uninspired and discouraged at some point (even though for some of them I'm guessing it was in grade school!). Each of them admires another artist they believe they'll never equal.
So I'm still here, starting the second week of Fundamentals of Design and Color Theory. So far...I'm still intimidated. I've received some nice feedback on my color designs; but they weren't that difficult, given the limitations. Fundamentals of Design deals entirely in black and white, and I'm finding it very difficult. My first project didn't come out too bad, and I got some useful criticism; but the other designs for this assignment were gorgeous. I can't help but feel that I'm entirely over my head. This is supposed to be an introductory course, and sometimes I just feel hopeless.
But how else am I going to learn?
So I try to focus, and try to design something that isn't some derivative of something else I've seen, and try to keep myself open to the suggestions of others. I just hope I don't discover I'm completely devoid of talent, or this will be a very short college career.