We were all home today for a snow day. Em was frolicking in her nightgown; I noticed her diaper was a bit laden.
I said "Let's change your diaper," and she ignored me.
(This in itself is not an unusual occurrence; but lately she's been getting better about telling me when she needs changing instead of just pretending nothing is going on.)
I gave her a few minutes, then said "Come on, Em, I need to give you a new diaper."
"No!" she shouted. "I don't need a new diaper! Stop teasing me!"
And with that i suddenly had a vision of what might happen to a kid who looks closer to 4 than 3 who is suddenly put in a room full of older kids, most of whom don't wear diapers anymore.
"Do the kids tease you because you wear a diaper?"
"Yeah," she said.
Now, I know that's not necessarily true. She's at an age where just asking her a question is leading. It's just as likely she was responding to the sympathy in my voice as anything else. But it's sure not out of the realm of possibilities.
I tried for the rest of the day to be normal; but really, I'm pretty much beside myself. I can't figure out what to do about it. Talk to day care? They'll tell me yes, sometimes this happens, and of course they can't watch every kid every minute. They'll tell me the kids get past it. They may even tell me it'll help her potty train - which they'd be wrong about, actually; she's far more likely to dig her heels in and keep on doing what she's doing, which is another (less important) reason this possibility distresses me.
They can't stop it. I know that. As a practical matter, there will always be kids who tease and kids who get teased. And Em, by virtue of her height, does look a lot older than she is - adults get it wrong, why shouldn't other children?
But all I can do is think back to my own experience in kindergarten 38 years ago. 38 years, and they still haven't figured out what to do about it. So what would be the purpose of talking to the teachers? Just to let them know? 38 years ago that sort of thing made you even more of a target, and good intentions notwithstanding I don't believe things have changed much.
I don't know what to tell her. I told her anyone who said that was being naughty, and that she could use a diaper or not as she wished. I told her she was a good girl and I loved her, and I tried to act normally for the rest of the day. Not so easy, and my kid is no fool; we got into kind of a feedback loop tonight, which I'm hoping is being broken by Daddy who is obligingly doing his bedtime shift.
I need to deal with this. I will never be able to help her deal unless I can deal myself.