Sometimes I think the reason I get wistful about other people having more babies is that I feel like being a mom is the only thing I'm good at.
I told Steve that, and he boggled a bit. "You're always angsting over what a terrible job you're doing!" he said. And he's right, I do; but it's a funny thing. I don't really think I'm doing a terrible job. How could I, faced every day with evidence that we're doing something right? It's more that I want to be perfect at it, because she deserves that. And I'm not perfect, and I feel like I'm letting her down.
But I do feel like I'm a good mom. Moreover, I feel like examining my parenting choices, refining things, being willing to toss out things that don't work - all of that is part of being a good mom. If I wasn't angsting, I'd have something to worry about.
And then you get notes from the day care about your child not listening, and pushing her friends. So much for the Good Mommy award!
We got such a note on Monday. I asked "Jane" (her teacher - names have been changed, since I like them all even though they're not perfect) Tuesday morning about it. She looked surprised at the question, and said "She got a little aggressive" without adding much more detail. Of course, being the angsting type, I'd been worried about serious acting out - unruly behavior of a kind we weren't seeing at home. I chalked it up to some changes in the room (one of her favorite teachers got promoted, and there's a new woman in there who is nice but Very Loud) and let it go.
Tuesday we got our usual note: Emily had a good day. Enjoyed the Little People House.
And then, today, she's not listening and shoving her friends again.
"Kate," the teacher watching her at pick-up time, is more experienced than Jane, and has known her longer. I made "uh-oh" noises at what was written, and Kate smiled at me. She has been, she says, trying to "train" Jane to write useful notes to the parents. She'd been writing the same thing every day (which explains why we were always hearing about the Little People House), and it was always uncritical. Kate thought that was misleading - if everything was always "nice," what happens when a kid who's been getting more and more problematic suddenly bites somebody? Mom and Dad are a bit blindsided. Kate observed that when Jane tries to report more accurately, she tends to go overboard the other way - hence a report that sounds pretty awful, but really doesn't represent anything unusual. Kate said that as far as she knows Em is pretty much Em, and like most two-year-olds gets into it with the teachers and her friends sometimes. She told us in no uncertain terms that Em had no behavioral issues we needed to worry about.
I was relieved. Steve was unsurprised.
I think he trusts Em more than I do. I should work on that.