[WARNING: digestive details ahead.]
Oh, my, goodness.
Yesterday I got a call from day care around 2:15. Em had woken from her nap crying and complaining of stomach pains. I asked if she'd had a bowel movement that day, and "Jane" said something like "we sat her down but nothing happened." Which I thought was curious, but didn't say anything on the phone. I made an appointment with the pediatrician and went to pick Emily up.
Where I confirmed, among other things, that they've been trying to toilet train her for the last 2-3 months.
Jane could tell I was pissed, I think, even though I didn't say anything - I had an armful of tearful Em, and I needed to hear what was going on and hightail it out of there to the doctor's office. She said, rather defensively, that they don't do anything until the kids ask to go, and that they always check with the parents first.
Well, no, dear, you don't. Nobody checked with us. How do I know this? How do I know nobody talked to me, and it's not my Swiss-cheese Mommy-brain forgetting the conversation? Because we would have said no.
At the pediatrician's, the doctor listened patiently to her history (as fast as I could give it; I wanted to make sure he had all the details), and ordered an x-ray to find out how much stool she was retaining. (I didn't know you could get that from an x-ray - but sure enough, you can.) So Em had her picture taken - which was no picnic, even though it didn't hurt and the x-ray tech gave her a butterfly sticker - and the doctor discovered she was VERY backed up, and was inhaling a lot of air. With both of those symptoms, it was no wonder she was in pain. He told me to up her laxative dosage and check back in about ten days.
On the way home, Steve and I discussed the day care situation and decided we would tell them to stop training her. Whether or not that had any influence on her condition - and although the timing is suspicious, we can't know for certain - we both agree she's not ready.
I don't remember how old Em was when she first climbed the stairs, but I do remember she didn't do much. She went up two or three stairs, then came back down, entirely disinterested. She did not give the stairs a second look for five weeks - and then she climbed almost all the way to the top in one shot.
That's how she does things. She samples them, ignores them for a while, then plunges in full-force. Urging her to use the toilet might work if she wants to please you - but until she wants to do it for herself, she's never going to be consistent. I'd noticed her interest in all things bathroom had been flagging at home, and now I have to wonder if it's not because she was feeling pressured at school.
I do suspect this was just an oversight on their part. A couple of months ago the lead teacher in the toddler room was promoted, and Jane put in charge of the room. Em is very fond of Jane, but I must say she always seems frazzled and just on the edge of out of control of things. She's also not all that well organized. And if she's new to this level of responsibility, that's no surprise, and not in itself a serious problem. It's very possible she assumed the old teacher had spoken to us, and the old teacher assumed Jane would talk to us.
Okay, yeah, I'm still pissed. I will probably try to talk to the director next week (when I feel less like ripping somebody's head off), just to make sure she's aware of the sequence of events, and to hopefully prevent similar oversights in the future.
Em has been happy at this day care. She has friends there she's now known for years - kids she's growing up with. I don't always agree with the things they do - giving the kids waffles and syrup for breakfast, for example - but they've always been small things, little philosophical differences not worth fighting over. This, on the other hand - this is a major, big-deal, screw-up in communication. If they can't talk to us - if the teachers are too frazzled or they're too short-staffed or just plain too disorganized - then we've got to find somewhere else. It's not what I want - but dammit, I won't have this happen again.