Leisure Time

Yes, I actually have some.

Em is often quite happy to entertain herself for ten, fifteen, sometimes even twenty minutes at a time.  It gives me a chance to read the mail, blog a little, maybe get into a stupid argument with someone on an Internet message board.

But it's not leisure time like it is without kids.  I've always got half an eye (or half an ear) on her.  If she cries, or asks for something, I respond immediately.  So my leisure time consists of doing things that are highly interrupt-driven (like baking my infamous banana bread).  Other activities, like writing that novel I keep meaning to write, are completely out of the question.  I can work - a little - but I find when I work while I'm watching her (which I've only done once or twice) I am completely exhausted by the end of the day.  Which is why no matter how good she is (and she's good probably 90% of the time), I try to make the most of the times my parents are over, or when she's outside with her dad.

And still I feel like I don't have enough time with her.  It's madness.  I feel either exhausted or guilty.  I figure every stay-at-home mom out there structures the day with coloring, and play-doh, and reading, and creative games, and peaceful, conflict-free nap times.  I can't get through one weekend without leaning on the Idiot Box.  

Okay, I didn't get much sleep last night.  Em's come down with a cold, and I think that had a lot to do with her wakefulness.  This after three nights straight of sleeping through.  I think it's worse for me when she's been doing well - my body starts getting complacent, and one restless night knocks me right over.

If someone asked me what the worst thing about parenting was, I'd tell them the sleep deprivation.  The best thing, of course, is everything else.

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