Or maybe I'm just grumpy. Who can tell?
I have a love/hate relationship with Christmas. Somewhere along the line I developed a fair amount of angst over gift-giving. I'm not very good at it. Those times when I've tried to listen and guess what someone might like have been less than successful; those times when I've followed a wish list or given a gift certificate have been anticlimactic. And of course, everybody I've given gifts has always been wonderful and cheerful and appreciative, and they probably are - I am, after all, no matter what I get; and I love getting things from my wish list as well as surprises.
But there is this underlying feeling that I should be discovering the One Perfect Gift That Will Make The Recipient Weep With Surprise, Joy, and the Innate Knowledge Of How Very Much I Love Them. Because, of course, nothing says "I Love You" like something you didn't even know you wanted.
Isn't that silly? Of course it is. But I am surrounded by good gift-givers. My husband, in particular, is very good. He picks the best stuff from my wish list; and when he surprises me, it's always with something really marvelous.
I can't match that. He would assure me that I don't have to, that he's not really that good of a gift-giver, that he doesn't need anything at all, etc. etc. And he'd mean all of it. But that doesn't make me feel less like I need to be perfect.
I always get blue around the holidays, and feel better after the New Year. When I was a kid, I liked staying up until midnight on New Year's Eve - because as soon as the clock struck twelve, I'd feel like a huge weight was lifted from my chest. Starting over, new. A fresh year with no mistakes in it, to misquote Anne Shirley. Between now and then, I will be grumpy.
Which is silly, because I love to buy presents. I enjoy shopping (for certain kinds of things), and when I'm buying for other people I don't have to feel guilty about spending money. And the explosive evolution of the Internet has made shopping easier - no hours, no parking, and easy comparison shopping. Of course, it's also made shopping more dangerous. You can buy anybody anything, if you're willing to pay the price. (Take a look at the auctions for the Nintendo Wii on eBay. It retails for $250, and there will be zillions of them out there on December 26th; but there are consoles on eBay with more than 30 bids selling for $700. Never mind that after our recent eBay experiences I'd never spend that much money there.) And so I'm back to Dilema #1: What on Earth do I get for people???
I threatened my mother with a Hello Kitty keychain if she didn't tell me what she wanted for Christmas. She smiled and said she'd just give it to Emily.
On other fronts: I redesigned the front page of lizmonster.com. The look is much the same - but this one I wrote myself. I've had to learn some HTML and other Web-based stuff for my new job, and this has given me some practice. Of course the nitty-gritty stuff will be portlets and JMX and all kinds of other scary acronyms; but the HTML was quick to pick up. Plus, it's fun. My plan is to gradually do the whole site myself, but that'll take some time (and some learning).
The job change, as it happens, is also depressing me a bit. It'll be a good thing, I'll learn all sorts of stuff, and I'll be letting go of a project I've worked on for 8-1/2 years. Three more days, and I'm out. I hate change, although I tend to weather it well on the other side, and the timing of this change is really sub-optimal.