I spent a lot of time trying to think up solutions to my Christmas Stress dilemma. After running numerous scenarios through my head, something hit me:
I am the only one with a problem.
And, as it is my problem and nobody else's, I'm the one who needs to change. Which actually cheers me up - here's a situation over which I actually have control! Maybe for that reason alone the last several days have been much better. I still can't say I'm dancing with Yuletide joy; but I'm not mind-numbingly anxious all the time.
Of course, some of that could be sleep deprivation. Em's had a couple of bad nights. When it seems apparent she'll be up and down, I doze off in her bed; but it's not ideal. For one thing, it's cold in there. So far Em seems to have her father's thermostat - half the time she's thrown off the covers and is snoozing just fine - but even under her blanket I feel slightly chilled. For another thing, it's a twin bed, and she's a tall girl. There is not much room for Mommy, and there certainly isn't enough room for Mommy to get into her favorite sleeping positions. So I wake up feeling cramped and stiff and cold and not all that rested. It does, however, help me get ready for work earlier.
(Then again, it could be the other way around - sleep deprivation leading to anxiety and depression. Don't ask me to think straight; I can't remember the last time I had a real, solid night's sleep - even when she sleeps, I still wake up at 3 or 4 and check to make sure she's breathing. Yeah, I know - but it's the only way I can go back to sleep. If I'm still doing it when she's 16, you can yell at me.)
SandVox, as it turns out, sandbagged me. As I was writing my previous entry (about dumping them for my blog), I was also downloading version 1.1. Which includes some new designs (like this one), and a bunch of bug fixes. No crashes since then, knock wood. So I'm back to redesigning the podcast pages instead. I think I have more allegiance to SandVox than I do to iWeb because Apple already has so much of my money I won't feel bad for ditching one little program. (And yes, Apple, I will keep looking at it, and if you work out some of the usability issues that are bugging me I'll cheerfully give you a try again.) But don't hold your breath waiting for new pages - it won't happen soon, especially if I do my personal Novel Writing Month in January.
Speaking of which, I did some math. 175 pages at 50,000 words in 30 days means a little less than 6 pages a day (1659 words). How hard can that be? (Yikes.)
One brief baby note: she said "I love you" for the first time last night. Now, we were doing our usual thing of whispering back and forth to each other during our bedtime cuddle, so it's possible it was just mimicry. But that doesn't make it any less lovely to hear.