Photograph by Grandmommy, April 21, 2006.

 

Often, as Emily is dozing off at night, she’ll engage in brief monologues.  For example, after about fifteen minutes of silence, she’ll take a deep breath an utter “Puppykittybigbirdelmo,” look to me for reassurance, and then fall fast asleep.

 

 

Her pronunciations these days are appallingly cute.  Her binky: “ginky.”  Her blanket: “glanket.”  Each said with deliberate care.  I know we’re supposed to pronounce everything properly for her, so she learns; but I’ve taken to calling them “ginky” and “glanket” myself.  How can I resist?

 

I’m turning into one of those parents who think that anything and everything their kid does is cute.  Even her tantrums are adorable.  If we were in a restaurant?  No, not there.  But at home, where there is nobody but us to bother, I do not hesitate to call her adorable.  She hollers.  She stomps her feet.  Eventually, she needs a big hug from whoever it was that ticked her off to begin with.  And the cutest part, to me, is that she obeys.  She’ll throw a tantrum if she’s told “no,” or if we take something away from her, or if we tell her to stop doing something she wants to do.  She obeys, and rails at the unfairness of the universe.

 

Adorable.  When she’s old enough to realize I think so, she’ll hate me for it.

 

I am tired today - as usual - and just a bit glum.  Too much going on.  Em is going to have to move to a bed soon - like maybe this weekend, if we can find a bed rail fast enough.  She woke up last night missing her stuffed kitty, and when I got to her room she was standing in the crib and stretching her arms out.  The crib rail hit her at the waist.  Too much of a chance of overbalancing.  So her room needs a little redecorating (to make it baby-safe), and we’ll probably have some disrupted nights for a while.  Of course, how will I tell the difference?  In truth, it’s not as bad as it’s sometimes been - generally she’s up once, and I can get back to bed somewhere around 4 and get a good 3 hours before I have to get up for good.  Still pretty sure I’m insane, though.

 

There is too much out of my control right now.  It’s not just Em - heaven knows I’m used to Em being out of my control!  It’s everything else around me.  I try to let go, but it’s not easy.  I need a vacation, or at least a good night’s sleep; and I’m not going to get either for a while.

 

It’s a funny thing about the sleep.  Steve gets up with Em around 6, or whenever she notices the sun’s come up.  I try to get into the shower by 7:15-7:30.  I sleep more deeply in that hour/hour and a half than I do any other time.  I think it’s because I know someone is with her and taking care of her.  When I wake up to turn over, I can hear her babbling downstairs.  All of my Mommy anxieties are eased.

 

Someone please tell me I’ll be able to sleep before she turns 18!